If baseball pants would bring World peace, these things could start wars.

Nowadays, Hammer might be doing Super Bowl commercials telling us that he’s trading in his gold records for cash and Vanilla Ice might be apologizing for what he did in the 90′s, but before MC Hammer was rapping sermons we all envisioned that the two used to hang out and laugh at how popular their one hit wonders were. However, I would argue that this song was a buzz-kill from the start. Unless you were some sort of rad break-dancing turtles (U Can’t Touch This was in TMNT III) or wore pants fit for 4 with moon shoes you had no hope in moving anyway and making it look like you actually knew what you were doing. The guys could never dance to it and it gave the girls a catch-phrase that unfortunately caught on: “can’t touch this”.

The  Evolution of Dance clip below shows Judson Laipply impersonating every 8th grader that tried dancing to this thing (if you let the clip continue you’ll get another shot of “Jump on it“). It certainly wasn’t an easy song to kick a beat to – which could be why despite it’s world-wide success never actually topped the US Billboard charts and peaked at #8.

You can catch Hammer’s daily rants about vitamins, sports and faith all on twitter.

Photo credit: Xerxies

Ya’ll ready for this?

Knee pads?

It has happened. You’ve finally figured out how to dribble a basketball between your legs, can now make a layup over 50% of the time and you’re vying for the 6^th grade tri-county tournament championship. Hootie and The Blowfish just isn’t going to cut it.  You need that unique blend of YMCA and ‘Whoomp! There It Is’ that only Jock Jams can provide to pump you up.  You just don’t get spirit fingers with Only Wanna Be with You.

I can picture it now… The Starter jackets are piled on the bleachers by the door. You’re in the middle of taking off that yin yang choker and Michael sprints to the CD player to show off the latest, Jock Jams volume 3. But a squabble breaks out as Steven claims Jock Rock volume 1 will deliver the maximum pregame pumpage.

Let us know in the comments if you were a Jock Rock bench-warmer or Jock Jams sevey (that is to say 7th grader – for you D&D fans).

Me? Jock Rocker for life.

That’s it. Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey, Goodbye.

Dear MJ-

Nobody used to make fun of your pants for being too short, grabbing your crotch, or for owning 117 Arcade Games because your voice was going to be the answer to World peace. Too bad you are bat-shit insane now, we could really use your help.

Love you,
The World

This is one of the best live performances I’ve found – at the 1988 Grammys w/ a gospel choir performing ‘Man in the Mirror’.

Awww…Valentine’s Day. No, as much as we’d like to we’re not suggesting that VD is on the list of STWC. We are suggesting, however, that the only day of the year where it’s acceptable to buy a giant .5lb Hershey kiss (Amazon has a 4-pack for you 6th grade pimps) has brought a few other items that have over-stayed their welcome. Why is it that Americans have a tendency to buy crappy seasonal candy that nobody eats (I’m looking at you, too, Candy Corn). These Pepto-Bismol flavored hearts have been out of style ever since they started going mainstream with lame quotes like “Get Real” or “Fax Me”…yes, they still print the “Fax Me” one.

Don’t get me wrong…the candy hearts & coma-inducive chocolate are WAY more appropriate than the anti-Valentine’s day gift Snuggies (think about it – individual blankets) — which I have a feeling some people might be getting this year. If you’re still looking for gift ideas, might I suggest making a pair of edible undies using fruit roll-ups…delicious and healthy! Or…if your Valentine wasn’t quite up to par and you want to let them know in true V-day fashion you can order a box of Bittersweets: candy hearts with all the phrases in the first picture of this post.

homemade edible undies

In an attempt to save this post put your vote in for that song that got your first thigh grab back at the 6th grade dance.

Update: Meatloaf is in the lead?! We need some more voters! Also, don’t let this sway your votes…but if you’re a Family Guy fan AND Bryan Adams fan you won’t want to miss Stewie’s rendition of “Everything I Do”.

The #1 posted number in men’s bathrooms everywhere, thanks to a 1982 one-hit wonder from Tommy Tutone, is for sale. If your name is Jenny and you’ve got an extra half-mil laying around and crave attention  (to the tune of 30 calls a day) then my-God-in-Heaven you are in luck!

If you don’t start singing the song just from reading this post and need a little help you can play the full song here: Tommy Tutone – Jenny (867-5309)

]]> http://www.stuffthatwascool.com/2009/02/8675309/feed/ 166 JennyEbay http://www.stuffthatwascool.com/2009/01/smells-like-teen-spirit/ http://www.stuffthatwascool.com/2009/01/smells-like-teen-spirit/#comments Fri, 30 Jan 2009 01:18:52 +0000 the bucket man http://www.stuffthatwascool.com/?p=129

Good thing Kurt Cobain did a terrible job at writing pop songs (and trying to copy The Pixies). The Aberdeen, WA based trio started a music revolution with this anthem release from 1991.

Speaking from an awful personal experience in front of the entire student body in high school, I can tell you the song is made up of just 4 simple power chords…but that doesn’t mean you should try covering it. Cobain’s voice is not quite as easy to duplicate. But that doesn’t really matter anymore anyways…we have Activision to thank for ruining what was once a plethora of kids growing up wanting to be rock stars to now couch potatoes. I’m sure the King of Grunge is turning in his grave.

Fun fact: a mulatto (from the chorus) is a person with one black parent and one white parent, but in America we just call them African American (like our newly elected President). I bet if Obama was the President of Kenya he would be the first white guy to be elected.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPQR-OsH0RQ

Load up on guns and bring your friends
It’s fun to lose and to pretend
She’s over-bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey, yay

I’m worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey, yay

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it’s hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido

A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial
A denial, a denial
A denial

Photo credit